Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
kristin has been a bad kristin
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
