how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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