a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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