My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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