I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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