First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
do nipples grow back?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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