between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
