I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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