If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
