Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
