I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
