Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
