You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
