i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
