How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a search helicopter?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
