Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
