Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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