does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
