Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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