u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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