If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
