I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
