And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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