The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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