My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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