i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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