what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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