Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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