Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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