i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
