wanna go halves on a baby?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
