I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want to fling myself into the sun
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
