dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
