You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
