An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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