I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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