Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
