you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
