i was born a porn star she said
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
