I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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