i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
