dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
