I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
