You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We left the knife in your bed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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