just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
