cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
