Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
