white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You can't motorboat a personality
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
