I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i came on her dog
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
