So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
