He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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