Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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