u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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