Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
