She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
