I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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