i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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