the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
